Barilla Pasta

By now, you've probably seen the commercial. It starts with a handsome mustachioed man and his family in an Italian field. The man is holding wheat in his hands, expounding on its virtue to his children. Before you know it, you, as the viewer, are immersed into a novella that brings you across the ocean to the United States. Into a New York that looks remarkably like the Godfather II's flashbacks. A small shop making and selling spaghetti by hand. The shop growing and making racks of pasta at one time, a large "family" portrait of all the workers of the Barilla pasta family. Into the present and the wonderful luxury of buying pasta in a store until suddenly we're back in the field with Guisseppe Moustache and the wheat.

Sounds too good to be true right? I mean, this commercial is immediately more immersing than most of what's on TV. Pretty ambitious commercial when you figure it's about a minute long. Clearly the good people at Barilla want consumers to know there's a story behind their pasta. And you know what - it worked. I'm convinced - I want to be part of that story.

In the meantime - screw those fat cats at Prince brand Spaghetti.

New Look, New Beginnings, Soaring Pessimism

So, I've decided to try out the blog one more time. I've changed the layout and while I still have no concrete plans, I am hoping to at least get back to some writing. I'm not going to lie. The outlook is still bleak. I know how things are and the odds are still more likely I will not be proficient. But I will die trying. Otherwise I'm just the Brett Favre of blogging - coming and going, crying and annoying millions, all without the painkiller addiction.

Did I mention I sincerely hope to see Urlacher snap his leg when we play the Vikes this year?

Why my blog sucks

So, let me tell you why my blog has sucked so far. I think the first most obvious reason is the lack of a post in over a month. I think it's tough to have a great blog or a horrible blog if you don't...you know...blog. However, I re-dedicate myself to showering the world with my awesomeness. We'll see.

No one cares

The whole Twitter/Facebook thing is out of control. I really don't care. I don't care that you worked late. I don't care that you're happy...or sad...or brushing your teeth. Come talk to me when you're playing Tecmo Bowl or doing Dance Dance Revolution. No, scratch that--please don't tell me. Send me a letter instead.

Mr. Cutler, the city is yours

I seriously am giddy. I don't think I've ever been so excited about something the Bears have done. This is the same team that has had Jonathan "I have clearly never actually played QB" Quinn, Kordell "I need to be able to throw it?" Stewart, Henry "What happens in Canada should stay in Canada" Burress, Chad "Hit my head surfing" Hutchinson, Will "I'm a Lefty, that's pretty much my legacy" Furrer, P.T. "Oh Dear God" Willis, Moses "Yes I got in a game once" Moreno, Rick "At least Wannstedt liked me" Mirer....etc etc etc.

We have Jay Cutler - he seriously might already be the best QB in franchise history. This guy will be the most loved man in Chicago...bring on the season!

Random Thoughts

I was very excited to watch Michigan St beat Kansas last night. My feelings for Bill Self and Kansas are well documented, plus it was nice to have a Big Ten team in the Elite 8.

Watched the Battlestar Galactica series finale last week--it was amazing. Definitely a show that not enough people watched--go out and get the dvds now people.

I really want to get back to my writing--the blog was supposed to help that. I had an idea a while back for a collection of short stories called "The End" - basically the last page of stories for those people who always read the end before the rest of the book. I think that will be my next step - sort of a step up from the old Flaming Pizza Pans, I'm hoping to start posting these to the blog soon.

Let's be honest, I need to do something on here...

Gimme that Filet-O-Fish

So, how great is that commercial with the singing fish from McDonalds? I think my favorite part is the guy with the beard eating the sandwich nodding along. I don't want the sandwich but I want to sit with these guys and hang out with the singing fish.

And after I accept my award for segue of the year, here are my NCAA picks:

Final Four - Wake Forest, UCONN, Pitt and North Carolina
Pitt takes UCONN in the finals

My two wishes for the tournament - Illinois wins at least 1, although I'd gladly take 2

And Kansas....must....lose....I want to see Bill Self's toupee flapping around in frustration. Is that too much to ask?

The People Who Ride the 10:40pm Train

Last night, I stayed in the city late after work - Jordan and I went to see Watchmen, which was a good, but ridiculously long movie. In doing so, my train options were limited to the 10:40pm train, which I don't take that often. As I got on the train last night, it was definitely a case of the normal people being severely outnumbered by the weirdos. So, as I ate my McFlurry, I compiled a mental inventory of exactly who does ride the 10:40 train.

I couldn't start this list without the weirdo 20 year old couple on the level below me. These two decided that a public train was the perfect spot to make out for an hour. These two were pretty much all over each other and in the moments they weren't making out, they were texting each other. The girl was wearing a bizarrely low cut top and was literally pouring out of her shirt. And believe me, not in a good way.

Then you had weird quasi-terrorist guy. Sitting by himself and yet every so often I'd catch his eye and feel the icy chill of death. There was pathetic beard guy wearing leg warmers and I swear to God - tap shoes. Across the top row from me were Morlock guy and his friend Hobbit Boy discussing nerd things.

It was a strange night and I think it was topped off perfectly well when I was waiting to get off the train and heard a guy make a "One time at band camp..." joke reference. How old is that movie again?

Final reviews for the night:
Watchmen ***
10:40 train people watching ****

She's BAAAAACK!

So, I've been a train commuter every day for over 5 years now. I see a lot of funny things, a lot of very weird people. As a whole, train people are not an attractive lot. But, I definitely have special places in my heart for certain All-Star commuters. So, today, you can only imagine my excitement this morning when I looked across the train and who did I see but....

Crazy Chinese Lady!!! I haven't seen her for a couple of years, but I certainly missed watching her on the train. I don't think I've ever seen her without her gray hooded sweatshirt and ankle-length flowered skirt and white gym shoes. Plus a moustache to boot. It was so great to see her again.

She is a loud talker. The first time I ever saw her, she got to the train late just as it was about to leave the station, came up top and made a big show about sitting down. Finally sat down next to a guy reading the paper. She then literally spent the next 40 minutes reading over his shoulder and making conversation about the articles in the paper. Now, I could tell he didn't want to talk to her. Other people on the train could tell he didn't want to talk to her. But did that divert Crazy Chinese Lady? Hell no.

My personal anecdote with CCL goes back a few years. I was watching a movie on my dvd player and could feel eyes over my shoulder watching the movie. I understand that if you're bored and sitting around, you may glance over every so often. But, no, she was literally watching the movie (without sound, mind you) and laughing out loud. I think I was watching "The Mummy" - clearly a high point in film comedy. I paused the movie at this point and turned to look at her. I believe her reply was "That's a really neat machine." She then proceeded to pull her journal out and began writing in it. I paused my dvd player and began reading over her shoulder. She turned to me and said, "Excuse me but this is private" to which I replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we had a thing here....no?" That ended the dvd watching, but not her indomitable spirit to annoy her fellow passengers on the good ol' Milwaukee West line.

So to Crazy Chinese Lady - welcome back, we missed you.

Top Ten Hourlong Drama/Action shows

As a follow up to my sure-to-be debated top 10 Comedies list, here is my top ten hourlong drama/action shows list. Be sure to check these out:

10. Grey's Anatomy - #10 and sliding. Seriously, Izzie and a dead guy having sex? This show is setting a record for most annoying characters that I seriously don't care about. The first couple of seasons were great, some great core characters left. In danger of falling out of the top 10 if another great show comes around.

9. Pushing Daisies - another masterpiece that ended way too soon. I want to see the last 3 episodes now. Great show - whimsical, fun and completely unique. At least we got 22 episodes.

8. Mad Men - Moving up the list fast. It really nailed that era. Two best things about the show - the secretary Joan and Don Draper - one of the greatest characters ever. Awesome.

7. The West Wing - probably the 2nd best ensemble cast of all time. If only real politics were as optimistic and hopeful as this show. Jeb Bartlett would have made a fine President. Plus, I always thought Bradley Whitford's career would be judged by his role in Billy Madison, but I was wrong - this was even better.

6. Battlestar Galactica - my definite nerd show on the list. But absolutely a phenomenal show with a great ensemble cast and plots that go way beyond typical sci-fi. Highly recommended if you haven't seen it yet - down to the last few episodes ever. GREAT show.

5. The Shield - I really wanted to put this higher on the list. It just ended its amazing run - completely changed television. Violent, gritty and well written and acted. Quite possibly the best series finale of all time. Plus it actually made me appreciate Michael Chiklis as an actor, which I never thought possible. God was he bad in the Fantastic Four...

4. MI-5 - I know most people have never seen this. It's a British BBC spy show called Spooks in England. Absolutely phenomenal show - basically the intensity and tension of 24 played out every week on a global stage. It showed very early on that nothing was off limits. Do yourself a favor and rent these now.

3. 24 - With the exception of the Season 6 clunker, an absolutely groundbreaking show. Sometimes a victim of the 24 hour gimmick, but clearly one of the most exciting and tense shows ever done. Plus, tell me who's a more kick ass character ever than Jack Bauer? Did you know that Jack Bauer's tears can cure cancer? Only we'll never know because Jack Bauer never cries.

2. The Sopranos - What can I say about this show that hasn't been said already? It was like a novel unfolding on screen on a weekly basis. Tony Soprano and his crew - what a great show. Ending still has me guessing - I'm thinking he's dead, but will we ever know?

1. Lost - an absolutely mind blowing show. 95% of it is over my head and while I'm dreading the fact that the end is coming next year, I can't wait to get some answers. The BEST ensemble show of all time.

There it is - feel free to disagree...

My Top 10 TV Comedies

Since I haven't figured out a real outlet for my blog yet and I'm not quite willing to get fired for doing my blog at work - they've been fewer and farther between than I originally anticipated. With that, everyone knows I love TV. One of the best things about Netflix and Hulu.com is that I've caught up on series after the fact. Without further adieu:

Jason's Top Ten TV Comedies

10. The Big Bang Theory - this show is hilarious. Jim Parsons who plays Sheldon is amazingly talented. This show will almost certainly be higher later on.

9. Curb Your Enthusiasm - almost went higher. For me, it's Seinfeld but even funnier and less cartoony.

8. 30 Rock - another one that is destined to go higher. I love Tina Fey.

7. Scrubs - So tempted to put this higher. Such a great mix of bizarrely stupid humor, great drama and emotion and bar none, the best bromance on TV - JD and Turk - we salute you.

6. Cheers - Seriously how can you rank these? Cliff Clavin is most certainly getting votes for best side character of all time. Kelly and Woody's wedding might be the single funniest TV episode of all time.

5. Friends - I'll always have a soft spot for Friends. Friends marathons got me through a lot of college. Even after watching each episode a million times, they're still funny.

4. The Office (UK) - As for pure genius, this would be at the top. Ricky Gervais is a God.

3. The Office (US) - I'm as suprised as you. I never thought I'd rank the US over the UK version. In a 13 episode snapshot, the UK version is still king. But the US version has been on for 5 seasons and it's still great. Plus, while uncomfortable to watch at times, infinitely more rewatchable than the UK.

2. Arrested Development - I've seen these each a million times and catch something new every time. The show that gave us "Like anyone would want to R her", "I blue myself", "Her?", etc. Maybe the funniest cast ever.

1. The Simpsons - ok, maybe it's not as great as it used to be any more. However, you still can catch genius far more consistently than nearly any other show. And it's been on for 20 seasons. Nothing can touch The Simpsons at its best - Homer as the beer baron, Mr. Burns' casino, Flaming Moes, the softball team. Homer Simpson - the greatest fictional character of all time.

Honorable mentions: King of Queens, Frasier, Psych, Chuck, I Love Lucy, Family Guy, Saved By the Bell, Seinfeld

I know I'll get crap for leaving out Seinfeld. While I don't deny it's place in TV history, as a whole it just never did it for me like the other shows. Some great episodes, but I definitely would choose Curb if I had to make the choice.

If you haven't seen any of these shows--check them out on Netflix or Hulu. Especially shows on now like Big Bang, Chuck, Psych, etc that not everyone watches.

Thoughts from the day

Few things I felt the need to comment on:

1) My list of 5 people to be punched in the face needs to be updated. While Chris Brown is certainly deserving - that doesn't explain how I could forget Bill Self on the list. I love Bruce Weber, but I still hate Bill Self.

2) Speaking of the Illini - how about that win against Northwestern? I nearly gave up when they were down 15. Great win for the team - Meacham and McCamey were ridiculously clutch. Plus, I'm pretty sure that NU isn't thrilled that their team's intelligence down the stretch just knocked the overall school standing down a notch.

3) Went to the new Sonic Drive-In restaurant by our house. We've seen Sonic commercials for years with no restaurants near by, but one finally opened by our house. The kids loved having a picnic in the car. Plus, they serve breakfast all day long. I didn't catch this fact until it was too late, but you damn well know I'll be having the sausage, egg and cheese on texas toast the next time I go there. Finally a fast food chain that gets it. Are you listening McDonalds? I will eat egg mcmuffins all day, I don't want your stupid salads.

My List of 5 People I'd Like to Punch

On Friends, they had an entire episode dedicated to everyone having a list of 5 celebrities that they would have the approval of their significant other should that celebrity agree to sleep with them. Now, while that makes for a good list and a classic episode, I definitely feel there are other ways to go for the list. And with that I present....my list of 5 celebrities I would punch in the face were there opportunity and no repercussions. The one caveat - I didn't include anyone who deserves a worse fate than a punch in the face - like Osama Bin Laden, etc. I'd like to think this is a list easily updateable - b/c I'm sure I'm forgetting someone. And without futher adieu - my list of 5 celebrities I'd like to punch in the face.

5. David Caruso - I still think he's a jagbag for leaving NYPD Blue b/c he was too big for it. The fact that he got bailed out by the hourlong crapfest known as CSI: Miami hasn't changed the fact that he needs to get cracked in the face badly.

4. Chris Brown - I'm giving this one to you as the symbol for all the jerks who abuse women. No amount of money or celebrity will change what you are.

3. Terrell Owens - What a tool. I'm not sure how I'd pull this off without getting beat down badly, but it's worth figuring out.

2. Billy Bush - I know this will surprise a lot of people but I dare you to watch even 3 minutes of Access Hollywood without absolutely wanting to take this guy down. He had been my constant #1 until.....

1. Rod Blagojevich - who doesn't want to punch this guy? I want to punch him for his stupid hair, for screwing over the state of Illinois, for acting like a jackass in front of the whole country. I salute you Rod. And if I see you, I will gladly take one for the team and punch you in the face.

Ponderings - Saved By the Bell - "The SATs"

I started thinking about Saved By the Bell the other day, as I'm known to from time to time. In this episode "The SAT's" - we are supposed to believe that Zack Morris scores a 1502. I've watched enough episodes of Zach scheming through classes, cheating off Screech to know that he either wasn't that smart or just was really really lazy. I mean, hell, the guy had to re-take Driver's Ed. Of course everything came easy to Zack anyway - who wins the academic bowl with MVEMJSNP anyway?

Here's the side of this that no one else ever thinks about. Zack is already the best looking, most popular kid in the school with the head cheerleader as his on-again, off-again girlfriend. He's also the guy that makes fun of the fat kids, skaters, nerds, geeks, dorks, dweebs (as these all are apparently classified indidivually at Bayside), etc. You can't tell me that somewhere in Bayside, there isn't some faction of Zach haters - the weird goth kids, the 'bangers, etc. If there is, why weren't they ever shown? The SAT score had to absolutely put them over the edge. Someone out there had to want to take him out after this - he goofs off all through high school and then gets a free ride to Yale? I mean, come on! Not that Yale will matter anyway, we all know his career is in music. Still waiting for the Zack Attack's follow-up to "Friends Forever."

Yes, I sing like a girl

Those who know me know that I don't have what what ever be classified as a "good voice". I'm not a good "singer." I'm not "gifted" or "talented" musically. However, for some reason, I've always been able to kick a killer falsetto out. I think this was probably best demonstrated during my freshman year of college when Ryan and Andy took me to a townie bar for karaoke and I broke out The Four Seasons' "Oh, What a Night." Suffice to say, when it was over, the townsfolk lifted me on their shoulders and carried me through downtown Champaign cheering and celebrating wildly. Actually I do remember a lot of men with mullets drinking Miller High Life giving me some absolutely sobering looks.



So, the reason I bring up the falsetto is that the kids got a High School Musical - Sing it! game for the Wii from Uncle Jordan. The kids like playing it and trying to sing along. I've played with them and have sung the guy songs and have absolutely gotten killed. I mean, really bad - can't find the pitch, apparenty I just suck. Brutal. Then, I pulled out the falsetto on the girl songs. And guess what - I rocked it. Like A+. So, basically I sing like a girl. And I'm okay with that. I guess it's my curse.

The Beginning

I have missed writing a lot. With work and kids and everything else, I just haven't written much of anything since college. And honestly, it's the world that's suffered. I have a lot to say and it's time it was made known. Seriously, I have no idea what my goal is other than to just put some stream of consciousness together and let it ride. I'm so proud of what Lisa's done on her blog about our family and kids and decided I'd like to try a new outlet for myself. I hope everyone enjoys it.

And why Flaming Pizza Pans? I don't quite remember how I stumbled on that name, but that was what I named my collection of truly bizarre one page stories that I used to write in high school and college. These were my first real experiments in writing. And to think it all started on the word processors and type writers at OfficeMax when I was supposed to be working. Good times.